We bet you hate it when you are in a middle of something and then out of nowhere the phone rings and there is a telemarketer on the other side trying to sell you a bunch of things you don’t even need. This can be frustrating at times because these people are usually quite pushy and won’t take no for an answer.
One man got fed up with all these annoying calls so he came up with an amazing plan on how to handle the situation.
Tom Mabe: “Hello?”
Telemarketer: “Yes, can I speak with Tom Mabe?”
Tom Mabe: “Who’s calling?”
Telemarketer: “This is Mike. You have been selected to receive a complete digital satellite system for free. With this you’re going to-”
Tom Mabe: “Let me ask you something. Did you know Tom Mabe? Were you a friend of his?”
Mike: “No I’m not. I’m just calling to offer-”
Tom Mabe: “Hol-hol-hold that thought- hold on a second (to others in the room: Hey guys! Get really good pictures of the body… and dust everything for prints.) Mike, you there?”
Mike: “-Yeah…”
Tom Mabe: “Yeah, lemme bring you up to speed. You’ve actually called a murder scene… Mr. Mabe is no longer with us.. I’m Officer Clarke, I’m conducting a homicide investigation. I want to ask you a series of questions… First to all, what was the nature of the business you had with Tom Mabe?”
Mike: “I…I had no business with him. I’m sorry to have bothered-
Tom Mabe: No no no hang on, I’m going to ask you to stay on the phone… this call has already been traced and we may need to come in for further questioning…”
Mike: “You don’t understand, I’m just calling-”
Tom Mabe: “No, you don’t understand. Unless you want to be charged with Obstruction of Justice, it is imperative that you keep your @$$ on the phone, Mike.”
Mike: “How about you just talk to my supervisor?”
Tom Mabe: “No, we will get to your supervisor in a second. First, gimme your whereabouts…”
Mike: “I’m at work.”
Tom Mabe: “You’re at work?”
Mike: “Yes.”
Tom Mabe: “You bein’ a smart @$$?”
Mike: “No sir-”
Tom Mabe: “Lemme put it to you this way, Mike. Say I want to mail your @$$ a letter. What would I have to write on the outside of that envelope to ensure that the mailman will deliver it right to your @$$? Geographically speaking, Mike, where is work?”
Mike: “40 West (beep), Middleton, Colorado.”
Tom Mabe: “Hold on, that’s 40…”
Mike: “Yes sir.”
Tom Mabe: “Michael, hold on one sec, alright?”
Mike: “Yes sir.”
Tom Mabe: “(off phone to cops) Get the Middleton Homicide Department on the phone. Yeah, give them this information. Tell them there been a Talk In Connection with a fatal shooting and aggravated robbery.” (on phone) “Mike, how did you know Mr. Mabe again?”
Mike: “Wait, you’re calling the Middleton Police Department?! I’m hundreds of miles away! I don’t even know the guy, I’m in Colorado!”
Tom Mabe: “No, no, it’s not that scary, that’s just a formality. Have you been to his place of residence?”
Mike: “No!”
Tom Mabe: “OK, and tell me again what, where were you last night between the hours of 8 and 10?”
Mike: “I’m not feeling really comfortable with any of this…”
Tom: “Have you even ever spoken to Mr. Mabe, Mike?”
Mike: “No, I don’t even know the guy- that’s what I’ve been trying to tell you!”
Tom Mabe: “Ok, great, just calm down, hold on, look, just back up… I’ve got just one more question fer you, Mike… as you well know, I’m sure, Mr. Mabe was a flaming homosexual. And there is no easy way of asking this… I don’t wanna embarress you or nothin’… but… were you his gay lover?
Mike: What?! No! What the hell kind of question is that?!
Tom Mabe: Look look, if gay is your way, that’s Ok. I still know there are a lotta you gay people in that closet. Not sayin’ I haven’t thought ’bout it myself… you know? Go out to Las Vegas, or somethin’. Buy a couple o’ drinks… cut lil’ Mexican midget…”
Mike: “This is ridiculous! (hangs up.)”
Tom Mabe: “Hello?”
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